Has anyone in the history of Walmart shoppers…

…ever walked out with just these five items?

  • two bottles of Quaker State 10W30 motor oil
  • one bottle of Welch’s sparkling cranberry juice
  • one microwavable Bob Evans mashed potatoes (package says it’s good for four to six people, which means I will have the whole thing in one sitting, most likely breakfast)
  • one Equate brand (Walmart house brand) knockoff of Poise pads

I imagine not. I went in just for the motor oil but saw the sparkling cranberry juice and mashed potatoes (impulse buys), then recalled that the most maximumest maxipads are no longer working, and when I get up in the morning I drip urine in the hallway before making it to the bathroom, and I went to the bladder protection aisle.

I have two enormous uterine fibroids resting right on my bladder, and my ob/gyn assures me things will be better after an upcoming hysterectomy (on hold while I have cancer treatment). I told her how bad this urine problem makes me feel, and she kindly said, “It’s not a moral failure. It’s mechanical.”

That made me laugh for some reason. But for the meantime, until I have that hysterectomy and these giant things get plucked off my bladder and out of my body, I have to Swiffer my hallway and bathroom every day, and I am buying Walmart knockoff Poise pads with the hope I don’t dribble pee on the way to the bathroom when I wake up.

For now, I am not having slumber parties. Don’t ask if you can sleep over. Love to all.

Saturday night hijinks

I was not the only woman tonight spending a good portion of her Saturday evening at the laundromat on Olden Avenue, alternating between staring at the dryer, hoping for the buzzer to go off, and watching animal videos on her phone. There were quite a few of us.

Beyonce in a leotard, dancing and singing “All the Single Ladies,” was nowhere to be found.

Later on, I went to Target in West Windsor.

Life doesn’t get much better than this. Heh.

I read this one with tears

A former classmate of one of the Turpin children, the 12 California children who are alleged to have been tied to their beds and starved by their parents for years, recounted how years ago, he and other children used to tease one of the older Turpin girls when she attended school for having filthy hair and clothes and smelling badly (it has been revealed that the parents allowed their children to bathe just one time a year and punished them if they washed their hands above the wrist). In a Facebook post, he expresses such regret about being a child and being unkind to this young girl, and his words are heartfelt and kind.

We often do things as kids that we later regret, and there was no way to know that the girl he was calling “Cootie Kid” had an abusive home. In the years since school, he had looked her up on social media, hoping he would see evidence that her life had gone well,

There are many touching quotes by the man, who is now in medical school, including the following:  “The resounding lesson here is a simple one, something that we’re taught from the very beginning: be nice. Teach your children to be nice. If you see someone that’s isolated, befriend them. If you see someone that’s marginalized, befriend them. If you see someone that’s different, befriend them. We can never completely put ourselves in others’ shoes nor can we complete understand the circumstances that one is brought up in, but a simple act of kindness and acceptance may be the ray of hope that that person needs.”

The link follows:

Classmate feels overwhelming guilt about teasing Turpin girl years ago

I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life…

…but I will tell you about a situation I recently found myself in and hope you will handle it as I did. For your well-being and peace of mind.

We were leaving work for lunch a few days ago, and in the lobby, my work buddy announced he had to go to the bathroom before we left, and went into one of the two restrooms in the lobby. I realized I kinda had to go myself and went toward the other, but the red “in use” sign on the door was up, so I waited until it was free.

Now, I have had a couple of kids, and when I have to pee it’s generally not a good idea to wait. My bladder ain’t what it was at one time.

After a few minutes, a big, tall guy comes out, all sweaty on his brow, and literally heaves as he exits the bathroom. And I see this heaving, sweaty guy and I immediately realize I would rather pee myself right in the lobby than go into that restroom because something strenuous has just happened to that man.

I was so troubled by the notion of what went on in that bathroom that when my friend came out, I just wanted to flee the lobby. I did not even want to use the restroom my friend had used. I ended up peeing when we had lunch, and things were getting dire at that point.

So, I just want to say, if you have to go to the bathroom and see a man exiting who is sweating and heaving like he just had a baby, it might be best to avoid that particular restroom. But do what you deem best.

I love you all.

Welcome to the jungle

Not much of a jungle, actually, but rather pretty. Since Christmas has come and gone, Christmas planting gifts are, like, 75% off. I’ve got some amaryllis going, and in the center are the beginnings of paper whites. Save these little plants from shriveling up by buying them up for peanuts and letting them have light and water. Will post pics when they are grown up and beautiful. By the way, paper whites will make your house smell the way heaven smells. Just gorgeous.

Lingerie dept., Target

Overheard a conversation badmouthing my one true presidential love–Barack Hussein Obama. Needed a new bra, but pushed the cart to where I heard it. Noted the culprits.

Hey, White Bitch One: Think about coloring your long, scraggly, grey hair and getting a decent cut. That mess does your sallow complexion no favors.

Hey, White Bitch Two: Maybe replace some of the Milky Ways you’ve been chowing down on with a carrot now and again.

I’m a White Bitch myself, but I love carrots and have a damn good colorist in North Jersey.

Cleansing conditioner

I bought Wen cleansing conditioner after viewing an infomercial with celebrities and a stylist named Chaz Dean. Not cheap, but on the infomercial, it made women’s hair look gorgeous.

It made my hair look gorgeous, too. A little greasy so I did not use every day. Fine,  because it was pretty expensive. Then someone pointed me to an article about women who were saying they’d lost their hair after using Wen products. Photos of women with bald spots accompanied the article, presumably caused by Wen. One woman in the article was so bald that she had to get hair weaves and extensions for her wedding day.

I wasn’t bald. I did have some cysts on my scalp that weren’t there before I used the product, but I don’t know if they were caused by Wen products. I had no interest in balding so I cancelled and stopped using Wen altogether, but they kept shipping me stuff after I asked for the autoshipping to stop, and that was a pain in the ass. And the cysts went away a few weeks after I stopped using Wen for good.

I got an e-mail to see if I was interested in a class action suit against Wen. I signed on because of the continued autoshipping, which was ridiculous. I didn’t go bald and have only a percentage of my hairs on my head on my wedding day, so I was lucky, but I did somehow get some weird lumps on my scalp.

Then I forgot about it.

But yesterday I got this check for $25. Not much of a reward, and Wen was expensive, but it required no effort other than to sign on to the class action. I don’t see infomercials for this stuff anymore, but there are still people I know who swear by it and think it’s the greatest thing. And it did make my hair look nice.

These days, I’m a really big fan of either the shampoo in the purple Aussie bottle or scent-free baby wash on my hair, and I have never feared losing my hair from either. Of course, someone may send me a link to an article someday.