Overheard a conversation badmouthing my one true presidential love–Barack Hussein Obama. Needed a new bra, but pushed the cart to where I heard it. Noted the culprits.

Hey, White Bitch One: Think about coloring your long, scraggly, grey hair and getting a decent cut. That mess does your sallow complexion no favors.

Hey, White Bitch Two: Maybe replace some of the Milky Ways you’ve been chowing down on with a carrot now and again.

I’m a White Bitch myself, but I love carrots and have a damn good colorist in North Jersey.